Keeping Okaasan
by insaneschitsoid
Summary: YO! It's yaoi, though no pairing yet probably gonna have a poll on it! This is Keeping Mum, ninja style! Before you read I recomend watching/asking about the movie. Rating is NOT for sex, but it is for blood and swearing. The yaoi is probably T level max
1. Prologue

Me: HIEZ!!!! It's me again! I'm doin' an experiment with the crossovers! Since I wan't people to be able to find this once I've entered it, it won't actually _be_ in the crossovers, but it is one, so yeah. I've never crossed an anime with a movie, so I wanted to try it. I hope you like it, but you'll probably have to watch the movie Keeping Mum to know what I'm gettin' at and why it's funny. I can say, though, that because of that movie I'm planning on getting a pond when I move to the country. :) Anywho, this is gonna be fun, so sit back and enjoy the many spelling and/or grammatical errors! (I hate that spelling but my computer redoes it automatically.)

"Talking/**Demon/InnerSakura **talking to other people**.**"

'Thinking/**InnerSakura talking to Sakura.'**

'_**InnerSakura/Demon thinking.'**_

Time period/skips

_Letter/Writing._

~Scene Changes~ (doesn't show up often)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Keeping Mum. They belong to their respective… people, I guess. ENJOY!

Keeping Okaasan

Konoha; Thirteen Years, One Month Ago

"Kushina _please_! BE REASONABLE!!"

"But Minatooo!! I'm so damn _fat_!"

A beautiful woman with long, straight, flowing red hair and green eyes, currently bawling her heart out, went through tissue after tissue as she carried the large, though light-weight, tissue box around her house as she periodically threw or bumped things onto the floor.

"K-Kushina! Please, _please_, be careful! If not for the hundreds of dollars those things are worth(1), than for the safety of our eight-month-old baby!" Minato exclaimed, as calmly as he could so as not to upset her further.

"But-but! I'm just so- UGH!! I don't know! I just _am_! WAHH!!"

Though Minato tried everything he could, Kushina just would _not _calm down!

"You know what?" He said, anime sitting into a big recliner. "I'm done. I give up. I just can't handle this anymore."

"What?"

Kushina stopped bawling and knocking things over. From Minato's point of view, it looked like she'd even stopped _breathing_.

"Um… Kushina? Are you-"

"You're leaving us?! Just because I got emotional you're leaving me and the baby!!? **HOW COULD YOU!??"**

Minato was at a loss for words. All of a sudden his gentle, caring, maternal, _pregnant_ wife, went from fragile and upset, to murderous, angry, and almost demonic -which had never happened before that he'd seen- in less than ten seconds!

Suddenly Kushina stopped glaring a three inch hole in his skull and got a dead look in her eyes.

"You're cheating on me." She said, staring blankly at the floor.

"What?!"

She now had his _full_ attention. Where had _that_ come from?!

"You're cheating on me." She dropped the tissue box and looked up into his eyes, startling Minato with her now white irises. "You're cheating on me with that **bitch** Ina-sumi Kisa, aren't you!?"

She was once again very, very angry. The black edge of her irises widened as her pupils got smaller, until they were just small specks, and her irises reached the very edge of her eyes.

Minato couldn't move.

'Th-That killer intent!! I-I've never felt… _anything _like this! It feels l-like I'm being ripped into pieces!'

"I'll teach her to ruin a happy family like ours!" Kushina yelled, turning on her heels and slamming the door.

Minato could still feel the intent, but he wasn't as affected as before.

'She must have been focusing it on me before. Now… now she must be focusing on Ina-sumi-san! Shit!' He got to his feet and rushed through the door as fast as he could, though he was severely winded from the stress brought on by the killer intent.

'Shit! Where'd she go?!'

He looked through every hallway, in every door and out every window, but he couldn't find her anywhere. He reached the last hallway on the bottom floor and was even more panicked than when he started. He couldn't track her with the killer intent because it stayed just as strong as when it was at the source.

'This is getting me no where!'

A woman screamed down the hall from him, though it ended abruptly.

'SHIT!'

He ran as fast as he could down the hall until he reached the door at the end of the hallway.

"Kushina? Are you in there?"

He was about to reach for the door when it suddenly opened and Kushina smiled up at him from the doorway, rubbing her stomach with a loving shine in her, once again, green eyes. What concerned him the most was how she was drenched in blood, though it was mostly around her mouth.

"She'll never come between the three of us again."

As she hugged him, Minato looked through the semi-open door and saw nothing but a small blood stain on the pink rug of his secretary's office.

He pulled away slightly and made her look into his eyes. "Kushina, you have to tell me something. What exactly did you do to Ina-sumi-san?"

Kushina frowned.

"Why do you ask?" Her eyes turned a lighter shade of green and her hands fell from her stomach to her side. "Did you really love her? You did, didn't you?! You **lousy bast-**UMPH!"

Her eyes turned back to normal and her rage went away as Minato kissed her on the lips as passionately as he could, ignoring the coppery taste of his secretary's blood.

As he pulled away, Kushina closed her eyes and put her hand to her lips, smiling slightly. She put her hand back on the medium swell of her tummy, once again tenderly rubbing in a circular motion.

"Kushina-koi, I could never betray you like that. I've never even thought of her that way. I've never thought of _anyone_ that way except for you: my one and only."

Kushina's eyes widened as a single tear streaked down her face, cleaning her cheek before turning red itself as it mixed with the blood around her mouth. Her smile broadened.

"Oh Minato-koi! I love you so much! I knew you'd never cheat on me! I only thought that because of the thoughts she had been having about you. Now I know it was only one sided and I'm even happier that I killed her!"

She enveloped him with a tight hug and failed to see the shocked expression on his face.

'So she did-! Oh… oh Kami-sama…'

"K-Kushina," he started, grabbing her shoulders and looking into her eyes. "You can't kill someone just because you want to."

She pouted. "But I had a good reason. She wanted to take you from me!"

"I'm sure you thought she did, but you have no proof."

"**I heard it with my bloodline!** She was planning on seducing you away from us!" Kushina yelled, her eyes desperate.

"Kushina… alright, so she was plotting against our marriage." At this Kushina calmed down, placing her hand back on her stomach. Minato realized that she'd been subconsciously doing that ever since she learned she was pregnant, but only when she was happy. "I believe you… but that still doesn't give you the right to kill someone just because you feel like it."

"Oh!"

Her sudden exclamation startled him, but she smiled and started rubbing her stomach, so she wasn't upset.

"That takes me back to my past. I don't remember the details, but I know that that's the one point my dad and I just couldn't agree on when my bloodline first activated when I was a little girl."

Kushina's eyes got a far-off look as her smile broadened and she looked at her stomach.

Minato was confused.

'She remembers part of her childhood? I can't decide of this is a good thing or a bad thing…'

Kushina giggled suddenly. "He's kicking, Minato. Here," She took his hand and placed it on her stomach, near the area of her kidneys. "You feel that? Your son is kicking…"

'My _son_?' Minato smiled, forcefully pushing the fact that she was covered in blood to the back of his mind. "How do you know it's a boy? None of the hospital staff knows how to use medical jutsu for an ultrasound except Tsunade, and you haven't had her do an ultrasound since you first started getting morning sickness at the first week of your pregnancy."

"… I can just feel him." She replied, wincing and smiling at the same time as the baby's kick made direct contact with her right kidney. "He's very strong. He's not very good at aim, but I bet you he'll be a great ninja when he grows up."

Minato smiled again.

"How do you know he'll even want to be a ninja? More of your feeling?"

She laughed. "No. I think that because _you're_ his father. He'll undoubtedly get his unstoppable drive and determination, and endless enthusiasm and stamina, from you."

Minato smiled lovingly at her and laid his head on her stomach, rubbing where the baby had kicked and closing his eyes.

"If he gets all that from me, then his looks will definitely come from you. He'll be the prettiest baby born in his generation."

Kushina giggled, and he could feel the vibrations of her laugh.

Suddenly she felt the baby turn and Minato got a kick to the cheek that was, surprisingly, strong enough that he was pushed away from Kushina's stomach and had her grasping her stomach and groaning in pain.

"Ah…! That hurt!" Kushina gasped out, leaning against the wall for support.

Minato rubbed his cheek where the baby had kicked him, and Kushina could see it turning yellow; a sign that it had bruised slightly.

"Bad aim my ass. He can pack a real punch when he wants to."

Kushina giggled despite the pain in her stomach.

"Well, I'm off to the bathroom. I've gotta get changed and that kick to the kidney just propelled me to go as fast as I can. Could you clean up in there for me? It's not much of a mess, but I'm really tired. Oh, should I make you some ramen before we go to bed?"

Minato smiled in spite of himself.

"Yeah, sure. I'll meet you in the kitchen after I've cleaned up."

The smile that crossed Kushina's face could only be described as the thankful smile of a teenage girl, though Kushina was in her mid-twenties.

"Domo arigato, Minato-koi! I'll see you later."

As she walked quickly down the hall towards their bedroom, covered from head to toe in thick, sticky, drying blood, Minato was only completely thankful that the only people here today were him, Kushina, and, previously, his secretary, considering she worked for him here and at the Hokage Tower.

'Great.' He thought, looking apprehensively at the door and the bloodstain. 'Now not only do I have to clean up the remains of an innocent, but I also have to come up for a reason for her disappearance _and_ get a new secretary. Hopefully one that won't cause my wife such stress… though since this is the first I've seen of it, her acting upon her urges may just be because of the pregnancy… oh well, I guess I'll never find out… where should I put the body, though…? I guess I'll just use a fire jutsu to get rid of it.'

As he walked into the room, expecting a bloody corpse, he was only almost relieved, but mostly horrified, to find that it was only a skeleton, though the bones in the chest area was completely broken.

'That means that not only did she kill her, but she… oh, dear Kami-sama, please help me!' "What will happen with her once the Kyuubi no Kitsune attacks in a month, so near her due-date?"

Konoha; One Month, Three Days Later

"Push, Kushina-chan, push!"

A busty woman, blond hair in low pig-tails, wearing a mask over her mouth and gloves on her hands called to the woman in front of her, trying hard to focus on the safe birth of the baby and not the deafening roars of the monster outside that was terrorizing the village.

"C'mon, Kushina-chan, pu-"

"**I'M TRYING TO PUSH, DAMNIT!!!!" **The woman screamed, grasping her husband's hand in try pushing a head the size of a **watermelon **out of _your_ **vagina** which is the size of a **FUCKING olive!!! **AHH!!"

"Kushina-koi, please, calm down!" Minato said, trying his best to comfort his wife. He looked briefly to the left side of the room where they had been forced to temporarily place the skeletons of the previous nurses and doctors that had tried to help Kushina give birth. He then looked to the broken restraints they had tried to place around her wrists to keep her from killing them. Minato had told them not to put them on her, and that they should wait for Tsunade-san before trying to give birth to the baby, but they insisted they do it themselves and they got killed for it. He turned back to his wife as she let pass a cry of absolute pain and squeezed his hand mercilessly.

"That's it, Kushina-chan, just a few more big pushes like that one! The baby's head is starting to come through!!"

"AHH!!"

"C'mon, Kushina-koi, you can do it! I know you can!"

"AAGH!! Namikaze Minato! **THAT IS **_**THE**_** CHEESIEST THING YOU'VE _EVER_ SAID TO ME!!!"**

"Okay, the shoulders are through, just a few small pushes and-"

"**ROOOOAAGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

"Shit!!" Tsunade cryed, falling off of her stool. "Minato, that demon from hell Kyuubi isn't making this any easier!! FIX IT!!" Tsunade screamed, making sure the baby wasn't harmed at all from the abrupt earthquake.

"**AAGHH!!"**

"It's okay Kushina, just a few small pushes! Tsunade, I can't do anything until this child is born, and even then I don't know what I could do!"

"Kushina-chan, I know it hurts but I need you to push just one more time to get this baby's legs out!"

"NGG! **AHH!!"**

A baby's wail filled the room, causing the atmosphere to shift from tense and panicky to one of slight happiness as the fact that the baby was healthy became apparent. Even the demon outside seemed to become calmed slightly at the birth of the baby as the load roaring cries stopped and the earth stopped shaking.

Minato looked out the window and saw the Kyuubi, though a mile away, raise its head and sniff at the air. It turned and looked right at the hospital, and Minato swore it was looking right into his eyes, before it started walking quickly towards them.

"I have to do something fast if I want to have any hope of success at stopping that beast!"

"Shiki-Fujin."

"What?"

Minato and Tsunade turned their attention to Kushina, who was now holding her baby.

As she had predicted, it was a boy. He had spiky, yellow hair, just like his father, but just like Minato had said, he had the facial features of Kushina. She held his crying form close and bounced him lightly, immediately calming him down as he stopped crying and opened his eyes, startling everyone in the room. His eyes were the purest white they'd ever seen; the same white as his mother's bloodline, meaning he'd inherited it.

Kushina smiled a tired, crazed, happy smile.

"He has my bloodline! My baby boy has my bloodline!"

Her eyes turned white as well as her bloodline activated from the excitement of knowing that her little boy not only had her bloodline, but also activated it at birth, making him a prodigy, as she held her baby closer to her.

The baby looked up from his inspection of the room and into his mother's eyes, letting out his first laugh as he cuddled closer to her.

Tsunade smiled and left, heading towards the waiting room to tell everyone about the good news.

"He knows I'm his mommy! And he knows who his family is by our eyes. Hmmm... Uzumaki... Naruto! His name is Uzumaki Naruto! My baby boy... the heir to both the Fourth Hokage of Konoha and the princess of the Whirlpool village."

"The wha-?"

Minato's head was spinning and he wished Tsunade hadn't left. His wife was a princess?!

"Princess Kushina Uzumaki of the Uzumaki clan in the hidden village of Whirlpool, a.k.a. Uzumakigakure no Sato. The name might seem over-used, but the Uzumaki clan is the one-and-only resident of Whirlpool. I remember now, which means I'm about to die." She looked to the ceiling, probably remembering her old life in the village. "Heh, probably from the stress of childbirth. That's what the jutsu was designed for: I was to forget everything to protect the whereabouts of my family and village as well as my life there so I could live peacefully somewhere else. It's designed so that when the victim is about to die, the jutsu deactivates, and they remember the life they used to have. Usually, it's used on young children that have been orphaned when their parents died. You know, to erase the pain of loss and make it easier to accept adoption. Sometimes, like with me, the only way to make sure the jutsu will stay in place is by sending the child to another village.

"The only knowledge the jutsu spares is the already-gained knowledge of how to use our bloodline. It's called the Kenzan Boushi, the Seeing Eye. That's how I can read peoples' minds and, though I'm untrained in the matter, reading the future. The Kenzan Boushi is solely made from demon chakra, however, not from a mixture of demon and human, thus resulting in my transformations."

"And the murders."

"No." Kushina said, smiling like a giddy teenager. "That I got from my mother, my grandmother, and, for a while before she passed, my great-grandmother. If we had trouble with our men, we corrected the problem. That's how the women and the uke men in my village live. For example, your secretary a month ago. She presented a threat to our happiness, a problem for our marriage, so I fixed the problem.

"Then, just like the matriarchs of the family taught me, I made a snack of some sorts to celebrate my success. My mother made coffee, my grandmother made eggrolls, and my great-grandmother, a very traditional woman, made tea(XD). I make ramen, just like you like it."

"**ROOOOAAGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

The hospital shook again, rousing Naruto from his nap. He made a gargling noise, signaling his displeasure, and opened his eyes to search for the creator of the offending noise. The color of his eyes without the bloodline active was just as jaw-dropping as with his bloodline, though for a different reason: they were the most beautiful, pure, sapphire blue that Minato and Kushina had ever seen.

"He is a very beautiful child… Minato, I need you to keep him safe… I need you to use the Shiki Fujin and seal that demon into Naruto."

Kushina stroked Naruto's hair as he had his first meal, a look of sadness and rage clear in her eyes.

"Kushina, that would kill me too(1), and Naruto would be an orphan! Not only that, but do you really think the village will accept him if he has the Kyuubi inside of him? Knowing that man, Danzo, he'll spread a rumor that will make Naruto out to _be_ the demon and-"

Minato was forced to stop and jump back a few feet from the hospital bed so as not to be skewered by his son's translucent orange 'tail', made from chakra supplied by his bloodline.

Naruto looked up from his meal and, even though he was only a few minutes old, _glared_ at him, his irises white.

Kushina smiled proudly.

"He knows how to use Empathy at such a young age… well, if ten minutes is considered an age."

Out of the corner of his eye, Minato saw the Kyuubi just outside of the village gates. It was being held by the shinobi, but just barely.

"Minato, I know by the look in your eyes that the Kyuubi is near. Use the Shiki Fujin. You'll die, I'm going to die, but Naruto will be safe. And **don't** try to argue with me; my first roll as an Uzumaki woman is to make sure the children of my present village are safe, now just **do as I say!"**

Kushina was glaring at him with her white eyes, a look of determined hatred clear within them. Naruto had gone back to eating, seeming to be trying to get as much as he could.

"… All… Alright. I'll… use the Shiki Fujin. Just let me write a will and a letter to him for the future."

"Bring me a scroll too, Minato. He's got to have one from me. I'm his mother, he deserves to know that I love him."

"Yes, of course."

Minato left the hospital, explaining to the Third Hokage that he needed to take the roll as Kage once again, what he planned to do, and why he had to do it once he'd reached the top floor of the tower.

"Sarutobi." Minato said, his seriousness worrying the old Hokage. Minato almost never sounded _completely_ serious, no matter how bad the situation seemed(Me: here's where his humorous disposition with the dead secretary should pop into your mind). "I'm going to write a letter and my will for my son. He will inherit my wealth and home when you see fit, and the letter will tell him what he needs to know about me and how much I love him and how sorry I am that I have to do this to him. The thing is, Kushina also wants to write a will and a letter… and I'm afraid I can't let her write either.

"Her origin… it's just as demonic as the monster destroying our village, if not more, and almost as barbaric. She was sent here because her parents died when she was a child and because of that they erased her memories and sent her away because she was part of the head family of the village. The memory blocking jutsu only ends when the victim of it is about to die. I can't let Naruto know anything of that life. He's already demonic enough considering he's inherited Kushina's awful bloodline, I can't let him know anything else. When I seal the demon within my son, I want you to destroy her letter and her will and make sure she's dead. She remembered a short bite of her life a month ago, when Naruto kicked, but it wasn't because she was about to die, it was because she was in pain. I don't want to risk her raising my child in her ways. Will you do that for me?"

"I…! Minato, do you know what you are saying?!"

"Yes, Sarutobi, I know exactly what I'm saying. Now answer me, will you do it?"

The old man stared at his protege for a few seconds before he answered solemly.

"I'll… I'll do my best to do what's right."

The blonde hokage smiled.

"Thank you, Sarutobi-sama."

Konoha Hospital; Five Minutes Later

"Kushina, please, I need you to hurry."

"You need me to do nothing, Minato."

Kushina looked up from writing her letter, her will written and sitting, sealed, on the bed next to her.

"Take Naruto and complete the jutsu while I write my letter. Sarutobi will deal with it and my will after that. Now **go!"**

Minato flinched at the demonic tone and carefully picked Naruto up.

"I'll see you in the afterlife, Kushina."

'No… you won't, Minato. He's going to _eat_ your soul, not send it to the afterlife. I hope you rot for eternity in the Shinigami's stomach.'

Once she felt that Minato had left the hospital, Kushina finished the rest of her letter.

As she saw the giant toad boss Gamabunta disappear in a cloud of smoke, signaling the death of his summoner Minato, she added a small note to the bottom of her letter, knowing since Minato flinched at her demon voice, something that he'd never done before, that he no longer cared for or loved her, and sealed it with her chakra, adding a destruction-proof jutsu she'd learned as a girl to it and then doing the same to her will.

_Naruto, my little baby boy, your father, Namikaze Minato, is not to be trusted. He used to be, but once you were born, all that mattered to him was that you were not to live the life of the Uzumaki clan, the life you were born into. You are a prince of your family, and a prodigy of your bloodline. The demon within you is yours now. Use him well, as I summoned him just for you, albeit on instinct. Do not let your power __**or**__ your title get in the way of your beliefs, or let them inflate your ego. Don't follow in Minato's footsteps. I know you already don't like him. For this, I am proud of you, for I know exactly why. I want you to know again that I love you, more than anything I've ever encountered. Goodbye, my little boy, my Uzumaki Naruto._

She looked at Sarutobi, holding the will and the letter out to him.

"I know what Minato told you to do. Thank you for not destroying them, Hokage-sama. Naruto is blessed to be under your care. Though… I have one request."

"And what would that be, Kushina-san?" The old Hokage asked, tucking the scrolls securely into his robes.

"I want you to make sure, by any means required and possible, that Naruto does not get adopted by _anyone_. He's _my_ baby, and I was orphaned too soon to be taught how to cope with letting someone else have my offspring."

"… Of course, Kushina-san. Though, you know what will happen when he finds out one of the reasons he'll never go into a loving home, don't you?"

"Yes, I know. I've already included that in my letter. Also, be sure that he gets my letter when he turns seven. He doesn't need to know how to read that early, but I want him to have it that early. It holds my scent, so it'll be familiar to him. My will shall be given to him when it glows black."

The old Hokage bowed in respect for the young woman, knowing these were her last minutes in life.

Tsunade walked in, carrying little Naruto in her arms, wrapped in a purple blanket. Kushina noticed that Naruto now had three whisker marks on each cheek and smiled, knowing the sealing had gone as planned. She handed him to Kushina, smiling at how he immediately opened his still pure-blue eyes and smiled up at his mother, cuddling close.

"You realize, Kushina," Tsunade started, sitting on the side of her long-time friend's bed, and pulling her into a light hug. "I'll be leaving the village tomorrow, just like you asked. That little brat of yours will be almost entirely alone; the only one left being the pervy old monkey, here. You sure you want him to raise your kid?"

Kushina just smiled, giggling at her friend's antics and at the look on Sarutobi's face.

"Oh, don't worry about it Tsunade-chan. Naruto won't be living with Sarutobi, he'll just be looked after by him. I've seen it, and even though Naruto wasn't in the best living conditions ever, he was still living the kind of life I want for him. I'm glad Naruto will grow up that way, and a tip for the future, Tsunade, is that whenever you start winning at your gambling, play the highest staked, biggest potted game you can find to see how bad your luck is going to be."

Now it was Sarutobi's turn to chuckle and Tsunade's turn to sulk as Kushina giggled.

"Well, Naru-chan, it's time I said goodbye."

Naruto stirred from his nap, opened his white eyes, and immediately started wailing.

"Naruto, I'll miss you too. But I'll see you. Everyday, I'll see you, and I'll be with you. You're never alone. Remember what happens in your life Naruto. You've been gifted with the Kenzan Boushi, and with it a photographic memory clearer than a Nara's. You'll probably meet the children of my older brother and younger sister in a few years. You'll know them, even if they're not blessed with the Kenzan Boushi."

Naruto quieted his wails to a small sniffle, though Kushina had started her own flow of tears.

She kissed him on the cheek, and whispered in his ear something that the others couldn't hear.

**"You have the hunger for human flesh, my little one. Feed it with your enemies."**

Naruto giggled as his eyes flashed red and then returned to blue before Kushina handed him over to Sarutobi. She smiled, closed her eyes, and fell asleep.

Half an hour later, after Naruto had been presented to the council and to the village and while Tsunade was on her way with Naruto to an orphanage, Sarutobi watched as Kushina's dream of things to come ended, and her heart stopped.

Uzumaki Naruto was alone. _For now._

* * *

(1) Notice he thinks about himself and his stuff _before_ Naruto or Kushina?


	2. I'm An Oni, Not A Gaki!

Me: Hiez again! This is gonna be one of the fics that has, like, a bazillion chapters every time I update considering that as I'm typing this, my internet is being screwy so I can't go online for more than, like, thirty minutes. Now, I'm not too good at the thought process of young children, not to mention I'm out of my 'zone' cuzI'm renovating, but if you think someone should have acted differently or I could've worded something differently just include that in your review and I'll make necessary changes. Okay, I know that sometime in here, there will be a _really_random chapter, so it'll be like(just an example, concocted from Harry Potter, Osmosis Jones, and a song by Dayoopers) one minute they're running from a giant spider, the next they're dancing a jig in order to fly away from Osmosis Jones.(OVERDRAMITISATION)

"Human/**Demon/InnerSakura **talking to other people**.**"

'Human Thinking/**InnerSakura talking to Sakura.'**

'_**InnerSakura/Demon thinking.'**_

Time period/skips

_Letter/Writing/Memories._

~Scene Changes~(doesn't happen often)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Keeping Mum. They belong to their respective… people, I guess. ENJOY!

Keeping Mum

_I like ramen. Ramen is good! I like- no, I LOVE ramen!_

An eight-year-old Uzumaki Naruto was writing himself a note. _Why_was Uzumaki Naruto writing himself a note? Because Uzumaki Naruto just learned how to read and write properly. Why was Naruto so _excited_about his new skill? Because now he could read his mommy's letter to him that she wrote when he was only a few minutes old! Good reason, ne?

Umino Iruka, a chunin teacher at the Ninja Academy, looked up from 'grading' the penmanship papers he had just collected from his class. The reason he looked up was because Naruto was currently writing on a small piece of paper really, really fast. And loud.

"Uzumaki!"

Iruka's yell made the entire class jump and look first at the teacher and then at Naruto… or at least, where Naruto just was.

Nara Shikamaru cracked open one eye to see what the commotion was about before looking under Naruto's desk.

"Found 'im." He said sarcastically, tugging lightly on a blonde spike of hair. "C'mon out, Naruto, it's safe. He's not gonna get you."

Narutoslowly poked his head out from under the desk, a.k.a. his "Safety Zone."

"Uzumaki, would you please bring that note up here?"

"Don't bother, Iruka-sensei." Another boy, Inuzuka Kiba, said from the seat on the opposite side of Naruto than Shikamaru. He leaned over Naruto's note. "All it says is that he likes ramen… I think… it might say salmon… or bowman."

"Oh, shut up Kiba! It's my first day of writing whole sentences!"

"Calm down! Have you forgotten that I missed a day of reading lessons?"

Noticing they were about to start screaming, Shikamaru decided to stop it before it started.

"You guys are so troublesome." Shikamaru said, laying his head back down on his desk.

Iruka stared at the young Nara. Shikamaruhad just used a five-word sentence and effectively ended an argument between Uzumaki Naruto and Inuzuka Kiba, the ultimate live-wires of Konoha.

Konoha; Last Week, Ninja Academy

"I DO NOT HAVE A GROWTH STUNT YOU STUPID DOG!!!"

"OH YES YOU DO YOU LOUSY IDIOT!!!"

"NO I DON'T!!"

"YES YOU DO!!"

"NO I DON'T!!"

"YES YOU DO!!"

"NO I DON'T!!"

"YES YOU DO!!"

"NO I DON-"

"WILL YOU BOTH SHUT UP!!!!?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Iruka-sensei, I thought Kiba's mommy told you to stop yelling at him or she'd, and I quote, 'Chop off your balls, tie them together, stuff them with hot sauce and cram them up your ass.' Now, I'm not completely enraged with you right now, but I'm pretty sure she was serious."

An eight-year-old girl with pink hair twirled her bang absentmindedly around her finger once she'd finished her comment.

"Sakura, Kiba's mother was just mad because I'd scared him. I'm sure she'd-"

"I'll give you a hundred yen if you run crying to your mommy about how Iruka-sensei yelled at you when you didn't do anything wrong." Naruto bribed, pulling said money out of his pocket.

"… Deal!" Kiba said, stuffing the money into his own pocket. He put his head down and put his hands to his eyes and concentrated. After a few short seconds, a tear dropped onto the desk and he started sniffling. Shikamaru woke up at the sniffle, worried, so his friend Akimichi Chouji filled him in.

"Kiba, _please_, don't-" Iruka tryed to say. But he was too late.

"WAHH!!! MOMMY!!!"

Kiba jumped from his seat and ran to and out the door and down the hallway.

Iruka looked like death had just proclaimed his love for him and was planning their honey-moon.

Naruto smirked. He turned to Sakura and her platinum-blonde friend Yamanaka Ino.

"I'll give you each a hundred yen to agree that Iruka did what Kiba says he did."

"Two hundred _each_, Naruto. Or no deal." Ino said, crossing her arms.

"What?! No! One-fifty each, and no higher!"

"Hmm… fine. That's how much ice cream costs anyway."

They held out their hands and Narutogrudgingly gave them each the one-hundred-fifty yen.

They put the money in their pockets and no sooner had they all turned back to Iruka's doomed form, the door bashed open and almost flew right off the hinges.

There stood Iruka's executioner, Kiba's mother, Kiba still sniffling and crying lightly behind her leg.

"UMINO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CUNT FUCKING-"

At this point, due to the many other occasions where something like this had happened, the children had all learned to either: a) cover their ears and turn away(97% of the class), b) listen, watch, and laugh on the inside(2 people in the class), or c) sleep through the yelling(Shikamaru).

"-AND DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!!"

She turned to Kiba, wiping off the last few tears from his cheeks and kissing him on the forehead.

"All better! Now, you go sit down and entertain yourself."

As she watched Kiba go back to his seat, she remembered why she had laughing her guts out only moments before.

"Naru-chan?"

"Yes Mrs. Kiba's Mommy?"

"Why did you drop a forty-pound weight on Izumo's crotch?"

At the memory, Naruto glared at the chalkboard.

"He ate my lolli! I had been saving that orange llli for a good day, and he ate it before it came!" He smiled, wide and evil. "I got my revenge."

At his last statement his eyes turned an almost white, ice-blue, and he cackled evilly.

Kiba cackled along with him, though his features stayed the same.

Hyuuga Hinata coughed lightly, though the Inuzuka matriarch knew it was to disguise a laugh.

"Oh. Okay then, all the girls in the locker room thought it was funny, so I was just curious as to why. Anyway, good job, and Hana-chan said that she and Ayame-chan would love to go shopping this weekend. See you on Sunday!"

"Bye Mrs. Kiba's Mommy!" Naruto said, waving lightly as she left, his eyes normal. He turned to Kiba once again. "Dude, your mommy is awesome!"

Kiba smirked and leaned back in his chair.

"Yeah, I know. You should hear the stuff Hana-oneechan got away with when she was in the academy!"

Konoha; Now, Ninja Academy

Iruka could still feel the pain.

"Um… Iruka-sensei?" Sakura asked, gathering his attention. "Are you okay?"

"Uh-Um… yes, fine, just go back to whatever you were doing."

As he sat back behind his desk, he couldn't help but wonder how crazy the Inuzukasare to allow that demon to be around them so much, though at all was even more surprising.

Up in his seat, Naruto looked down into Iruka's eyes, his own now white, making Iruka shiver at how his mood could be detected so easily by someonrwho is, not only the lowest in the class, but also the demon filth of the village.

Konoha; One Hour Later, Naruto's Apartment

"I'm home!" Naruto yelled as he closed the door, putting his backpack under a set of loose floorboards.

An empty house greeted him.

'Oi, foxy-dude, you awake?'

'**Ugh… why did Kushina-san curse me forever with her offspring? Why **_**me**_**, huh? Why the most powerful Bijuu in existence, huh?'**

'Because you're an idiot who decided to serve my mommy in any way, shape, or form after she helped you get four of your tails and let her sign the fox contract? Or, maybe it was because you were the only one near-by?'

'**Yeah well, there's no way of knowing now.'**

Naruto's eyes lost their life, as well as their color, at the demon's statement.

'… **Hey, why don't you go read your 'mommy's' letter? Maybe that'll cheer you up, little prince.'**

Naruto's blue eyes smiled in response.

'Yay! Mommy's letter!'

"I wonder what mommy's letter says!!"

Forgetting the previous conversation almost entirely, Naruto ran to his room.

"Okay, now let's see…" He looked around his room, suddenly realizing something. "Which hiding place did I put mommy's letter in…?"

'**Use the memory she gave you, dumbass.'**

"Oh yeah!"

Naruto concentrated and after a few seconds he found himself within a large, dark, seemingly empty room his mind.

"Okay, Mommy's Letter!"

A flash of pictures moved in front of him, not so much a movie, but hundreds of thousands of photographs rushing past him, before it stopped abruptly, showing a younger Naruto standing in front of the Hokage in his living room.

"_Naruto, you remember when you were just three years old how Hatake Kakashi acted when I accidentally let it slip about who your 'mommy' was?"_

"_Yeah, ojiisan, I remember. He started yelling at you and saying there was 'no way that Kushina could be my mother', and that 'the fourth' would never be with a witch'. I remember getting really mad and then seeing Inu-san writhing on the floor in pain a few seconds later. I remember him screaming 'Demon spawn' over and over, and then the next thing I remember is waking up in my bed."_

"_Ahem, yes, well, I was told by Kushina to give you a letter when you turned seven, and, well, it was your seventh birthday yesterday, so it's your right to have it."_

_The old Hokage reached into his robes and pulled out a scroll._

"_I know that you haven't learned to read yet, but she told me that even if you hadn't, you were to be given her letter now. When you learn how to read, then obviously you will be able to read it."_

"_Thank you ojiisan!" Naruto yelled excitedly, hugging the old man._

The scene changed to Naruto sitting on his bed with the scroll.

'_Where do I hide it? Itoko, I need another hiding place!'_

'_**Why must you call me your cousin? -sigh- Anyway, just put it in your closet. You don't put anything in there, plus your mother put a protection jutsu over it; it's not going to get destroyed.'**_

'_But- It'll just get stolen, then!'_

'_**-sigh- Fine, why don't you… put it in the wall?'**_

'… _Say what?'_

'_**Put it in the wall. You know, move the boards on the wall and stick the scroll in there just like you do with the floor. No one would suspect that it'd be there.'**_

'_Hmm… okay!'_

"_Mommy's letter, you're safe in my hands!"_

_Naruto was about to go over to his closet when he thought of a better, less expected place to put it._

'_Itoko, I need your chakra!'_

_Naruto was smiling as wide as he possibly could, knowing he'd found the perfect way to hide his most prized possessions._

Naruto faded out of his mind and smiled to himself.

"My bed!"

He crawled under his bed, going all the way to the wall.

'Itoko!'

Naruto's hands glowed red with the demon's chakra, before he stuck his claws between two boards in the wall. He got his fingers under the board and pulled, taking out five boards at once and revealing a small metal door. Naruto let the control on the red chakra go and pulled the handle, revealing his mom's letter. He grabbed the letter, closed the door and put the 'wall' back in its place before he scooted out and sat on his bed.

"Finally I get to read my mommy's letter!"

Naruto broke the seal on the scroll and unraveled it as far as it would go before he started reading.

_My Dearest Little Boy,_

_I am very sorry for what had to be doneto keep you safe. I hope you can forgive me. I love you with all of my being. I died from the stress of childbirth, but your father died when he sealed the Kyuubi no Kitsune within you. That's that little voice inside your head. He'll be annoying, but that's how all demons are. Anyway, your father does not have your best interests in his heart. While I was pregnant with you, all he could think about was how much money everything would cost him. When you were born just prier to this letter, he was afraid that you would havemy bloodline, the Kenzan Boushi, the Seeing Eye. You can read people like you would read a book._

_Now, my baby boy, you are very young right now, but you are also very strong. I've seen it. That is also the power of our eye. You will learn to read peoples minds, read the future, and control your demonic form. It will look something like Kyuubi, because he is part of you, but they are your powers, not his._

_My sweet son, I love you, and I will always love you. That is why I'm going to tell Sarutobi not to let anyone adopt you. I'm sorry, little one, but I just can't bare the thought of someone else having you._

_You must listen when I tell, or I guess write, you this: I am the heiress to the Whirlpool village. I am Princess Uzumaki Kushina, next in linefor the throne of both Uzumakigakure no Sato and for the head position for the Uzumaki clan. Or, at least I was. Now you are, my son. You are Prince Uzumaki Naruto, and I know you will live your life well. I hope you can reach the Whirlpool village and meet our family someday._

_Naruto, I must tell you about the tradition of our village: If there is a problem, then fix it. For example, you live alone right now, correct? Well, if the landlord of your home says you need to leave, kill them, and then hide their body, then celebrate your success with some kind of food. The matriarchs of our family, bless their souls, did this, and so did I. Now, I hope you will. My great-grandmother made tea, me grandmother made eggrolls, my mother, your grandmother, made coffee, and I made ramen, considering Minato, The Fourth Hokage, your father, was so addicted to it. Now it's your turn to carry on our lineage and tradition._

_I'm sorry that I couldn't be there with you, but it's for the best. The life you live is one of greatness, I just know it. Make many allies, and don't forget to get married in the future. I may not be there with you, but that doesn't mean I don't want grandchildren!_

_Your Mommy,_

_Uzumaki Kushina._

_P.S. Naruto, my little baby boy, your father, Namikaze Minato, is not to be trusted. He used to be, but once you were born, all that mattered to himwas that you were not to live the life of the Uzumakiclan, the life you were born into. You are a prince of your family, and a prodigy of your bloodline. The demon within you is yours now. Use him well, as I summoned him just for you, albeit on instinct. Do not let your power __**or**__your title get in the way of your beliefs, or let them inflate your ego. Don't follow in Minato's footsteps. I know you already don't like him. For this, I am proud of you, for I know exactly why. I want you to know that I love you, more than anything I've ever encountered. Goodbye, my little boy, my Uzumaki Naruto._

When Naruto finished the letter, he rolled it up, and held it close to him. He had committed the entire letter to his memory, and he would never forget it.

A tear dropped onto the floor.

Konoha; The Next Morning, Restaurant District

'Okay, I need to eat something, so what should I eat?'

'**No ramen. I hate how those disgusting noodles taste!'**

'Oh, stop whining! Fine, I'll find something else!'

Naruto pouted, regretfully stopping at old man Teuchi's stand, Ichiraku Ramen, only long enough to tell his friend Ayame 'hi.'

'Wait, what smells so good?'

Naruto stopped and looked around, searching for the source of the delicious smell.

'**There, at that dango stand.'**

Naruto looked to his left and saw a mall stand, about the size of Ichiraku though styled like a bar, with a red sign that said 'Kibaru Dango - Konoha's Best' in black letters.

Walking up to the stand, Naruto noticed only one person, besides the cook, on the inside.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Naruto asked, tugging lightly on her trench coat. She turned and looked at him, surprised that someone had called her 'ma'am'. "Is dango really good?"

She smirked.

"'Is dango really good?' I guess you've never had dango before, huh brat?"

Narutopouted and crossed his arms. "No, and I'm not a brat! I'm a demon."

The woman paused and the cook behind the counter stopped making dango before smiling and turning back to cooking.

"Nice to see you've decided to try something other than ramen, Naruto-san."

"Huh? Oh, Minna-chan!"

Naruto smiled, remembering how she'd helped him pay for his ramen a few weeks ago.

The woman on the stool snapped out of her shock and raised an eyebrow.

"You two know each other?"

"Oh calm down, Anko-chan. I gave Naruto forty yen the other day to help pay for his ramen bill and we then talked for a while." Minna looked at Naruto. "Come to repay me?"

"I might as well." Naruto said, getting the money out of his pocket and putting it on the counter. Minna put it in the register at the end of the stand. "To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was you back there. I just came in to find out what smelled so good."

"Well, it's called dango. Here," She handed Naruto a stick with what looked like a small dumpling on the end of it. "Try one. I think you like it."

Naruto climbed up on the stool and sat down before sniffing the tiny dumpling. It smelled exactly like the smell from before, so he knew it was the dango. He blew on it a little before popping it into his mouth. His eyes widened.

"This is great!"

Minna smiled and the woman, Anko, smirked at him.

"What'd she tell ya, kid? Of course it's great." She frowned slightly. "Hey, why'd you call yourself a demon?"

Naruto's smile turned to confusion as he looked at Minna.

"Where has she been?"

Anko's vein popped.

Minna smiled slightly.

"Anko, this is Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto-san, she didn't know because she'd never seen who the container for the Kyuubi was before. She just knew it was a child the surname 'Uzumaki'."

"Oh. Well, I'm Naruto, and it's nice to meet you Anko-chan. What's your surname?"

Anko watched as Minna set a plate of three full dango sticks in front of Naruto and grinned slightly.

"Mitarashi. Mitarashi Anko." She stuck her hand out and he shook it. "It's nice to meet you, brat."

"Hey!"

"Oh, Naruto, just eat your dango." Minna said, smiling. "Anko calls all children 'brat'. It's just who she is. By the way, that's the original style dango, and it's fifty yen."

Naruto nodded, a dango stick in his mouth, and pulled fifty yen from his pocket and set it on the counter. Minna took it and put it in the register.

Anko looked at him.

"You normally carry that much money with you?" She asked him, looking at his pocket.

"No, I normally havemore. I gave some to Ayame at the Ichiraku stand this morning cuz she wanted to get a birthday present for our friend Hana."

"Inuzuka Hana?" Anko asked, chewing on her own dango. "Isn't she a little old to know you?"

"Well, I'm friends with her brother Kiba. We're in the same class. Oneday I went over to Kiba's house and all their dogs started chasing me. I ran as fast as I could, but they still caught me after five hours."

'He ran for five hours as fast as he could?!!' Anko thought, almost choking on her dango stick.

"They were all really excited to see me, though I can't say I know why. They were all licking me and stuff. It really tickled. They eventually stopped and I was able to meet Kiba's family. They were all nice. Now I go over there almost every weekend."

"Well, isn't that something." Anko said, smirking. She picked up a small white cup that Naruto hadn't noticed before and took a big gulp from it. She threw a dango stick at a target in the back of the stand and put some money on the counter when it hit the center.

Naruto gaped.

"Whoa! That was cool!"

"Huh? Oh, you're probably just an academy student, right? Well, chunin and jounin haveto do that when they drink somewhere to see if they should keep drinking or if it's time to hit the hay. I'm fine right now, I'veonly had three of these, but it's almost nine so… hey, wait a minute, shouldn't you be in school brat?"

Naruto shrugged.

"There's a test today. Iruka always fails me no matter what score I get, so I stay home if I can. He usually finds me by two-fifty, though, so I usually get there in time for the bell to ring for us to go home. And for him to assign me a detention where he'll yell at me and make me do the test and then fail me."

Anko couldn't have felt more angry.

Konoha; Ninja Academy

Iruka suddenly got the chills and sneezed.

'I think someone's mad at me… very, very mad at me…'

Konoha; Kibaru's Dango Stand

"Anko-chan? Are you okay? You look like you're about to explode."

Anko took a few calming breaths.

"Yeah, I'm fine… hey kid, since it looks like you're done, why don't you come with me? I'm not going to the safest place ever, but since you're with me you should be fine."

"Hmm… sure, why not?" Naruto ate the last piece of dango before setting the stick on the plate and hopping off the stool. He waved to Minna as they left. "Where are we going?"

Anko smirked.

"We're going to my home, Training Area 44."

Konoha; Ninja Academy

Iruka looked at the clock.

'It's two o'clock in the afternoon. I know Naruto isn't sick, because the ANBU reported him leaving for school this morning.'

"Kiba, could you come here for a second?"

Kiba stood and walked down the stairs to Iruka's desk, confused at why he had been called down.

"Yes Iruka-sensei?"

"Kiba, have you seen Uzumaki or heard from him at all today?"

Kiba frowned. He'd never really liked how Iruka only ever said 'Uzumaki' when dealing with Naruto and said first names with every one else.

"No, Iruka-sensei, I haven't. Can I go sit back down now?"

Iruka sighed.

"Yeah, sure."

He stood from his chair and turned to his teaching assistant Mizuki.

"I'm gonna go look for Uzumaki. You stay here and watch the class."

"Alright, be careful. Remember, Ichiraku won't tell you and Sarutobi can't know."

"Right."

Konoha; Training Area 44, Forest of Death

"Whoa! Cool!"

Naruto and Anko were standing in the balcony of a sparring area in Anko's tower-home in the center of the Forest of Death.

"I thought you'd like it brat. C'mon, I'll show you around the rest of the place."

As Naruto and Anko walked out of the sparring area, Naruto wondered why she would show him her house.

**'Why do you think, dumbass? This chick seems like the rebelious type. Considering she's also a very sadistic person who loves seeing others in pain -don't ask how I know, I'm not too sure myself- who do you think she's trying to piss off by taking you to the most remote, perilous areas that no one -not even the ANBU, usually- would think to look in Konoha for a little un-trained demon boy?'**

'...! Iruka!'

Naruto smiled, knowing that whenever he had a test, he knew he could hide in the forest, if not the tower, in order to evade him.

He stopped walking and hugged Anko, causing her to freeze before awkwardly hugging back, unsure as to why the boy felt the need to embrace her.

Naruto looked up, white eyes shinning with mischief and happiness, startling Anko slightly at the change in color.

'Just like Kushina's...!'

"Thank you Anko-obasan! I donn't have to worry about Iruka any more!"

Anko's lips twitched up a little, admiring his perceptiveness.

"yeah, well... how about some dango to celebrate? I've got my own supplies here, so I can teach you how to make it if you like."

Naruto's eyes returned to normal as he broke away, jumping up and down, nodding excitedly.

"Hai! Onegaishimasu(Please)!"

As Anko led him to the kitchen, Naruto couldn't help but be proud.

'Yay! I have a snack to celebrate, just like mommy! Don't worry mommy!' Naruto looked up at the sky through the kitchen's glass roof. 'I'll be the greatest Uzumaki ever! I'll find our family, and I'll learn all there is to know before coming back to change things.'

"Oi, oni(demon)!" Anko said, hesitating at the nickname he insisted she use instead of 'brat' or 'gaki'. "If you wanna learn, you gotta watch!"

"Sorry Anko-obasan!"

He looked up once more before rushing to watch and help Anko.

'I'll be the best, and I'll make Konoha better for people like me and my new auntie... I promise.'

In the depths of Naruto's soul, Kyuubi no Kitsune smiled proudly, before smirking as the seal that had been created to keep Naruto's bloodline locked away, having been reduced to the point of failure due to the unsealed chakra from Kushina's letter, started crumbling.

**_'And an Uzumaki never breaks a promise.'_**


End file.
